Why I'm speechless

About 4 months after my daughter was born, I became really tired. I was forgetful, dragging all day at work, and by the end of the day I just fell into bed. So I called in sick one day and headed to the doctor. When I got in her office, she asked why I was there. "I'm tired." Well that's normal for a new mother. "No I'm really tired." Of course she still thought it was normal, but being a great doctor, she ran some blood work just to make sure. The next day I got a call at work. My thyroid was low, and medicine would perk it right back up. Right around that same time, I became very hoarse. Well one of the symptoms of hypothyroidism is hoarseness, so not to worry, it would improve with the medicine. But it didn't. So back to the doctor I went. And she sent me to speech therapy. I could give you all the wonderful details of my days in speech therapy, but I'll save that for another day. But I finally gave up on speech and resigned myself to live with a messed up voice. I went to several ENT doctors over the years and nobody had an answer for what was wrong with my voice. And I had no desire to go back to speech, so I basically gave up. My voice was better at times, but some days were really hard. It even became isolating during the hard times since I couldn't even carry on a conversation with my husband. But when my youngest was about 1 1/2 years old, God decided to send me back to the ENT. Micah threw his head back and busted me in the nose (for no reason). I had a slight fraction and was sent to an ENT. My husband begge me to ask about my voice (again), and I reluctantly agreed. Amazingly, the doctor knew what was wrong - abductor spasmodic dysphonia. There isn't a cure, but at least I had an answer. And I can receive botox treatments in my vocal chords when it is giving me a really hard time. So that is the short version of why I am often "Speechless". God is teaching me to appreciate the words we use. And I dont' take for granted the joy of being able to read my kids a book or talk to a friend on the phone. There are so many things that we take for granted. I hope the voice I do have will be used to spread love and not hate or gossip.